Morning falls like rain into the city life
There goes another night
Losing my breath in waves
Knowing that every crash is bleeding the hourglass
and taking the strife from all our lives

Everyone keeps talking
They promise you everything
But they don't mean anything

We may lose our focus
There's just too many words
We're never meant to learn
And we don't feel so alive

So goodbye, these days are gone
and we can't keep holding on
When all we need is some relief
Though these hard times
Through these hard times

Move your hands in circles
Keeping me hypnotized
The power behind your eyes
Move around your bedroom cursing the naked sky
You should be here tonight
But you stay alone and cry

Say goodbye, these days are gone
and we can't keep holding on
When all we need is some relief
Through these hard times
(whoa) There's something missing
(Oh whoa) You'll never feel it but you
(Oh whoa) You're gonna feel it when it's gone
When it's gone

Say goodbye, these days are gone
and we can't keep holding on
When all we need is some relief
Through these hard times
(hey) these Hard times
(oh no now) Hard times
Hard times

Say goodbye, these days are gone
Say goodbye, these days are gone
These days are gone

iran 620

Love
Alyssa





you gave me hope..
but now you give me despair..
i thought that it would be different..
but its always the same..

round n round..
i wonder how many more years do i have to re-live this nightmare..
this pain of caring for you..
i wish to cast it aside but i cant..

dont make me hate you please.

Alyssa


cry without trying
afraid to fall asleep
seek comfort in the dark familiarity

i guess i never really moved on

Alyssa


laughter were few and in between.

the damage is already done.

seems like the things that haunt me inside never stop growing...
they cut like knives against raw flesh..
lurk like bad nightmares in every cell of my body..
i feel it each time i breathe..

feel so small inside.. feel damn misunderstood..
but nobody knows..
im tired of hiding away and pretending im strong..
what am i susposed to do?

Alyssa


early in the morning..
someone pisses me off..
assuming and saying that i tink too much..
forcing his opinions on me..
i hate that.

and u know sumthing..
i have no reason to believe in love animore..

i think its all just a game we play..
the make up, fake up and break ups..
they all dont go aniwhere..

whoeva said Love conquers all must be brain dead...

and im sick of hearing Happiness/Success is a journey, not destination..
If you think that you sound damn smart by saying..
think again.. coz u sound so fking crappy and lame..
it is fucking overused.. and what does it even mean psychologically?
you are telling me that i will never reach happiness/success?
or are u telling me that its a futile long goose chase?
to pursue and pursue and find out that its not there..

LOVE. IS. OVERRATED.
LIFE. IS. OVERRATED. AS WELL.

this blog is a sham..
wad love crayons..
i only feel angsty, emo and depressed..
i only think upset and angry thoughts..
i cant be that person..
this is me..

Love SCREW YOU M*FKERS
Alyssa

Disclaimer: This is very well my fucking blog to pen out my fucking thoughts, if you fucking disagree, then you might as well agree with me that you are indeed a fucker who derives pleasure from fucking around with me.

Disclaimer 2: This does not apply to people who didnt piss me off. Thoughts may vary from time to time.


Don't remember where I was
I realized life was a game
The more seriously I took things
The harder the rules became
I had no idea what it'd cost
My life passed before my eyes
I found out how little I accomplished
All my plans denied

So as you read this know my friends
I'd love to stay with you all
Please smile when you think of me
My body's gone that's all

A tout le monde (To all the world)
A tous mes amis (To all my friends)
Je vous aime (I love you)
Je dois partir (I have to leave)
These are the last words
I'll ever speak
And they'll set me free

If my heart was still alive
I know it would surely break
And my memories left with you
There's nothing more to say

Moving on is a simple thing
What it leaves behind is hard
You know the sleeping feel no more pain
And the living are scarred

A tout le monde (To all the world)
A tous mes amis (To all my friends)
Je vous aime (I love you)
Je dois partir (I have to leave)
These are the last words
I'll ever speak
And they'll set me free


Love
Alyssa


I realised that the more I work, the more of a neat freak I become.. un-naturally.

I am lazy and messy but I cannot seem to stand this environment anymore..
makes me feel as though im living in a cluttered disorganized out of control box..

arghs!!
i really need to pack my room, clean my tables, organize my bags, change my bedsheets, dust every visible surface (even the tv), disinfect the walls, sweep every corner (even under the bed), mop the floor, clean the grilles and polish the mirror, etc..

when im done, im gonna beg to have a phone installed in my room too. (hope that will work out.)

This has been a rant..
and it was brought to u by the angst in me.

Love
Alyssa


Things To Do:

pack. your. room. pronto.

Love
Alyssa


When I look in your eyes I can see that you
Want to be with me but you're so scared
And I don't know what to say or do
But the tears keep falling from your eyes
And I know that times won't change my love
And I can't do nothing to keep you

Oh, I'll give my love
Oh when I hold you tight
Give my love through kisses oh so bright
And you know that I can't change my love
Take my love all through the night

As the hours pass away
You think that love ain't here to stay
Feel a beat from your chest
But you don't give doubt a moment's rest
You dream the future and all you see is dark
Listen to your heart, baby,
The truth will set sparks

Now I'll give my love oh when I hold you tight
Give my love through kisses oh so bright
And you know, that I can't change my love
Take my love all through the night

it does not get any more apt than this
thanks for understanding me this much

Love
Alyssa






dunno whats gotten into me lately.
i feel so upset and sians everyday.
i dun really feel like talking to anybody.
the only highlight of today is louis, made me laughed till i cried..
hahaha..

den when it was time to go home,
i walked from TP to TM and started feeling emo again..
coz of certain tings..
i couldnt even feel the distance coz my brain was zoned out..
just my mp3 and me.. yet i could feel the twinge in my heart..

wanted to walk all the way home.. over the highway..
but i smelt rain, which has this very refreshing-depressing feeling on me..
so i decided to drop by the library for a bit..
borrowed two books to keep me busy when im not at work..
skipped lunch but ate some biscuits in the office..
dun really feel like eating dinner..

i feel like going away.. for a really long time.
but there's so much i just cant leave behind..

Alyssa


same dashed hopes
same broken-ness
strangers for company
im still at square 1

im there so much its almost cliche.

Alyssa


Ame no Orchestra (Orchestra of Rain)

Into a purely white notebook I start to write down my memories of you (with a pen)
Outside the window the rain falls like on that day, non-stop since yesterday
It falls on forever, knocking at the window

Drip, drop, one, two
Outside the gently shaking window
The weather forecast predicted rain, did you take an umbrella as you went out?

“Goodbye today’s sunshine”, I repeat several times
If I looked up to the sky, I might see a grain of light
Ordinary days, orchestra of echoes of the tunes rain plays

I wasn’t surprised at all to find you in the middle of town where the sinners come and go
Cherry tree leaves, wet from the early summer rain, and I, waiting for you to come
A cat, all wet and shrivelling, joining you

They look like Hydrangeas
The umbrellas of the street houses which bloom vividly
Your brightly red vinyl umbrella that dyed your profile red

The birds in the shade of the trees are tired of waiting for the sky
But...I don’t hate this rain
Folding one umbrella, I invite you to stand underneath my little umbrella

The cold air prevents us from standing apart, because of the distance our fingertips touch lightly
You wear your hair tied up today, yesterday, you had looked more adult
Dye my ordinary days

As I put down the pen, the rain has stopped. Unnoticed, the sky has started flowing
You certainly knew about the lies I told you, right?
From the beginning.

Our mistakes have flown with the rain, soon, we will also be washed away
I won’t be found in the picture full of luck you draw
I, who used to be reflected in your eyes
I hadn’t been surprised at all to find you in the middle of town where the sinners come and go

Cherry tree leaves, wet from the early summer rain, and I, waiting for you who is not there
With my eyes closed, I smell your scent in the wind

Alyssa


put on a brave front
and hide away the tears
carry the cake
and say happy father's day.

be happy for others.

Alyssa






eg of a polymer: Wee

- the great Himbo strikes again

oohh.. so smart..
u know science..
i worship u..
coz u are l33t!

LOLS.

*rolls eye*

dude, have some originality..
isnt that another form of saying plastic.. yawns................

Definition of Himbo:
- Male bimbo
Eg. Gay Boy Terris Tan Shen How. (also commonly known as GBT)

aniwaes, FUCK YOU (not me of coz, eww, useless lj kia) for insulting my family name.
you can insult me but never touch my family name!

Alyssa


i know i will definitely lose to you in plasticity.. sighz.. i not as hiong lor.

- GBT the Greatest Himbo

lols.. who initiated the plastic war?
are those sarcastic words a cover for your cowardice?
how am i plastic when u are the one being a fake 'friend' towards me?

Alyssa

I asked the same question to 2 guys who have known me for many many years.

Q: Am I materialistic/superficial? Please answer honestly.

Words from a fellow gay which i RESPECT:

*yawnz* rottin in the office >_< T_T bleahx... says:
aiya
*yawnz* rottin in the office >_< T_T bleahx... says:
ignore them la
*yawnz* rottin in the office >_< T_T bleahx... says:
himbos r more materialistic than they tink they r
*yawnz* rottin in the office >_< T_T bleahx... says:
n they r more irritatin than they actually r
*yawnz* rottin in the office >_< T_T bleahx... says:
u can match them with bimbos ba
*yawnz* rottin in the office >_< T_T bleahx... says:
juz tt they more daring to say stuffs cuz they r guys
*yawnz* rottin in the office >_< T_T bleahx... says:
learn to shoot back
*yawnz* rottin in the office >_< T_T bleahx... says:
all these yrs i hav been learn to shoot back "himbotically"
*yawnz* rottin in the office >_< T_T bleahx... says:
i tink i hav more or less become a himbo myself =X

Words from an ex-bf:

zJ - sErViNg nS - [[ Lost? ]] says:
materialistic? since when? duh.
zJ - sErViNg nS - [[ Lost? ]] says:
superficial is wat huh? lol.
aιчssa; lovecrayons.blogspot.com (i guess that makes u plastic too, how long are u gonna hide behind words?) says:
superficial is very fake.
zJ - sErViNg nS - [[ Lost? ]] says:
orhs.
zJ - sErViNg nS - [[ Lost? ]] says:
wont la. aiya. dun care abt ur fren nahs.
zJ - sErViNg nS - [[ Lost? ]] says:
sot sot one.

Alyssa

has my words gotta do with your plasticity?

- again from dearest GBT (yes, GBT strikes again!!)

so are u admitting that you tink im plastic..
or are u trying to back out of a confrontation..
i have kept quiet long enough..
if u wanna act innocent now..
den take it that i have something personal towards you for what you previously commented about me =)

Alyssa


the life (of) a true plastic involves jealousy, tenacity and materialism beyond logical comprehension.

- again, wise words spoken from GBT (ALL HAIL HIM!)

woahh.. trying to sound deep?
now im jealous and materialistic as well?
wow.. do u really know me??
u sure talk like u think u do...

who is the one whose jealous that carmen isnt there to talk to u or sms u as much animore?
who is the one hiding behind words?
materialism.. i leave it for u to decide..

besides, whether im materialistic or not.. is it really your concern or your judgement to pass?
i nv dated you dude.. and never will..
please check up the meaning of materialistic..
do i carry LV bags given from rich guys or decked head to toe in branded goods?
i seem to remember im holding a day job..
i dont think materialistic people care much about earning an income..

what u dont realise is how u are coming in between others..
and you call yourself a true friend..

Alyssa


well the last straw broke..

i hate it when people blemish the innocence of true BL..- nonetheless, your whimsical words are still your demise.. not that i really care, though the fakishness is trauma-ing me.

- written by gay boy Terris (quoted from hearsay)

advice for you.. grow up.. quit talking like a school kid.. trauma-ing? lols.. acbc much?

ive always been nice and supportive of your sexual orientation and tried being a friend and somewhat a mentor coz i have hopes for you to excel.. well i guess to you, that makes me whimsical, plastic and superficial.. nice try using three different words to describe one trait.. it really makes it so much harder to guess..

i am not gonna take this lying down..

the only thing fake is how you are posting coded messages on your msn nick..
instead of saying to my face what u dislike about my personality and solving it between us..
i dont take well to cowardice and superficiality in friendships..
but if thats the way u play, ill gladly play along..
even if i will lose a valued fren in the process.. (which i absolutely abhor!)

like i said..
though im not sure if its directed at me but i have every reason to..
besides the changes u made to your nick which coincides with the timing of incidents that happened..
makes it more suspicious..
besides, i know from carmen that you think im plastic.. lols

you. dont. know. me. AT ALL!
so never ever judge me!
have some dignity and respect for yourself!

what are u so mad at me about?
did i ever offend you?
or are u just scared that carmen will leave u?
if ur that possessive a fren, i have nothing to say..
mayb you shld just step up your game instead of hiding in the shadows
and spouting some coded crap which you think is very mysterious..

so bit of advice.. get IN my face and say it straight what you are so unhappy about!
i dare u to..

Alyssa


been a long time since ive felt suicidal..
it hurts so much i cant breathe..


being whimsical with words only brings downfall on your part..
fakeness only turns on my trauma switch..

should i cry or be angry?

Alyssa


i was so afraid i would lose you.

Alyssa


i have so much regret inside myself.
i feel so useless.
spent so much time being angry with him.
wasted so much time,
when i was susposed to love him.
how could i be so stupid?
how could i let anger blind my eyes?
how could i hate him?
Hate has poisoned our relationship..

the stupid things we do for love.

does it take a whole lot of blood to start loving and caring for your loved ones?

Alyssa, you are the stupidest girl that ever lived.
The disappointment I feel in you far exceeds any disappointment I've ever felt.

Alyssa


You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you dont trust enough.
Alyssa


爱爱爱爱了几回
也明白其中滋味
付出的从来不会等于收回
我却还在等待着谁能出现

伤伤伤伤了几回
也曾经为爱憔悴
爱情里好人总比坏人狼狈
我却还是学不会狠心对谁

男人男人多希望你是好人
多希望用你的真让我不必再心疼
女人女人我答应做个好人
我答应用我一生来换你的快乐一生

This entry is dedicated to the those with feelings left unspoken and unheard.

Alyssa


Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.

Everything's left unspoken and goes unheard.
Hate and Anger has conquered both Love and Hope.
Sorrow and Regret seems to still be missing.

is it too late?

Alyssa


"To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour."

William Blake


the light disappears
cant smile nor breathe
the road seems longer
your presence lingers

this despair i feel inside
consumes my soul and being
like ink it seeps even
into the coldest portions

my mind draws a blank
yet your haunting me
just playing on repeat
waiting for nothingness

is it broken?
can we work it out?
dont look away please
i feel tired and dead

Alyssa



Alyssa


The L Word.





Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me
'cause without love I won't survive

Love
Alyssa

The present is the ever moving shadow that divides yesterday from tomorrow.
In that lies hope.

The scientist has marched in and taken the place of the poet.
But one day somebody will find the solution to the problems of the world and remember,
it will be a poet, not a scientist.

Alyssa

wells.. Realize came up on my playlist..

Take time to realize,
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in.

Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.

It's not all the same
No it's never the same
If you don't feel it too.

If you just realize what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'd never find another
Just realize what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other

If only i had the ability to ignore my feelings,
i would change everything for you..
i would never hurt u at all..
and i would say to u dont leave me..
but i guess im an emotional coward..

Regards
Alyssa


time and time again..
i screw things up with my emotions..
i thought we would be different..
that we could stay best friends and ___rs..

i feel so broken..
as though ive learnt the world's greatest darkest secrets again..
i dont wanna accept it..
but i feel that i have no choice but to..

becoz im afraid of losing u..
im afraid to turn to u..
for fear of hurting u..

if only i was braver.

im crashing down to groundzero..
reality really hurts..
what is ____?
what are u?

If i dont even understand ____,
can i handle a relationship..
and can i ____ u?
i really want to but i duno how anymore..

Regards,
Alyssa


Cars, Doors & U-turns

these strange feelings
the thoughts in my mind
the way you affect me
besides is just not close enough

who was to know
that you'd be the biggest u-turn in my life

Love,
Alyssa