i know words have been few but just an update on my life in this miserable dead blog.
been kinda reluctant to post coz so many things are going on..

work has been super busy...
ever since Dr Jomer left for Canada, anybody and everybody has been calling me.
my phone rings all the time even before 8.30am to after 6.00pm.
(okay not ALL the time but confirm got calls and smses from some people)
well im not complaining neither am i enjoying..
kinda neutral.. though it is tiring having to juggle both my duties and his duties..

just trying to do the best i can..
lols i dun even know what im feeling now..
just feel tired...

life, on the other hand, has been pretty good..
my colleague showed me a blog with a really sad story (that is 100% true)
and it made me realise that we never ever know how lucky we really are..
and death serves as the ultimate reminder..
so to all my loved ones and random passerbys..
treasure ur loved ones today before its too late..

so cliche. but true.

went to the beach on Sunday..
ate a homecooked lunch there,
saw a Tarzan (which tried to attack me.. lols),
played on the swings (which i snatch from little kids.. nah jk),
ate a chocolate-raspberry ripple ice cream (weather was frigging hot),
sat under the hot sun looking across the murky water,
and grew tanner a wee bit (not that anibody realises.. including me until ytd).

haha.. the beach rocks!
wow.. look at how much text ive wrote..
my affair with words is getting stronger..

seriously.. this has been a really lame post..
before i go..
Avatar: The Last Airbender is really really good!!!
go watch it, people.

Love
Alyssa

p/s did i mention that its really weird having to supervise older guys? (hoi.. dun anihow think!)


woke up at 7.46am due to a really scary nightmare..
never knew that insecurity transcends through sleep in the subconscious mind as well..

just after i comforted JH over her nightmare..
and now i got one..
bit hard to believe my own words that nightmares usually protray the opposite of life..

in my nightmare..
i felt so utterly helpless and destitude..
it felt so real..
im afraid. im afraid. im afraid.

sometimes sleep doesnt feel like a solution..
dont turn the other way.
please...

Love
Alyssa

Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

- Jeremiah 33:3

im sorry

Love
Alyssa


its as beautiful as it looks




For all I've been blessed with in this life
There was an emptiness in me
I was imprisoned by the power of gold
With one honest touch you set me free

Let the world stop turning
Let the sun stop burning
Let them tell me love's not worth going through
If it all falls apart
I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered had come true
In this life, I was loved by you

For every mountain I have climbed
And every raging river crossed
You were the treasure that I longed to find
Without your love I would be lost

Alyssa


just reach home..
really tired..
but it seems like one thing's never changed..
ending the day with a mixture of hurt, sadness and confusion..

i want it all to go away..
but then this sadness is my remembrance..
i wish i could slash away everything..

escape.

Alyssa


Oh yar...

Goodbye Queen.

i hope u remember to come back when i leave food out.

sorry we couldnt keep you.

Alyssa


so weary and lost.
this feeling is indescribable.
yet its all too familiar.

just got home, fell asleep on the bus, luckily i din miss my stop.
was great to meet Ria again today..
got my Minties from her!!
thanks girl.. i really <3 them!!!!!

too many personal problems..
feels like im facing obstacles in everything i do..
but yet life goes on......
its really tough living behind a facade.

Alyssa












Your Word is a light unto my path
Your Love guides me through my darkest night
And even though sometimes Your ways
I cannot understand
I’ll never walk away because my future’s
In Your hands

I don’t care what people will say
I’m running after You
I won’t turn back and go their way
Coz I’m running after You
Don’t matter what may come my way
I’m running after you
It’s You I’m following today
I’m running after You

Alyssa


Oh sleeping stars, why are you so sad tonight
Oh sleeping stars, will you shine for me tonight
Oh sleeping stars

Can you see them float in the night sky
Can you hear those echoes of their sweet cries, creating a tune
Can you see them shine so bright
Can you feel their loneliness through their cold light, touching you

My eyes feel so heavy when the stars are calling me
Join with us eternally
I'm falling in deep trance and my powers are weakening
I'm falling in a world between dreams and reality

I am now alone in the silent light
and there's nothing but darkness around me
Deeper into unknown the strange light is guiding me
Wake me until it's too late

Suddenly I feel a warmth go through my body
But I feel that a part of me has died, I sense the change in me
I must have been away so long
so please stay with me for a while

Alyssa





In a perfect world, in another time
In a far off place, we wouldn't need to justify
Everything we are and all that we believe
We could finally be whoever we both want to be

And when we can't be heard
And when we can't be seen
I will call you close and
You will reach for me

When all of the beauty turns to pain
When all of the madness falls like rain
As long as we crash and we collide
We will be gorgeous, you and I

Through the window pane, through the bedroom door
This city wants to fight but it can't touch us anymore
We have come so far, we have shed our skin
The more that's taken from us now, the more we have to give

And when we are drowning in the noise
I'm gonna stop to hear your voice
As long as we crash and we collide

We will be gorgeous, you and I.

Alyssa



"I don't cut myself now but in the past when I got really depressed and overwhelmed and I felt like I made someone I was close to mad at me or disappointed them I would lose it and cut myself. It was like I hated myself so much and thought I was such a bad person that I deserved to be hurt. And I think physically hurting myself helped me focus on the physical pain instead of the emotional pain. Its like a distraction. I got so stuck in the emotions I didn't know what to do but I felt like I had to do something like kill myself but I was too afraid so I just cut myself. I would'nt tell her she is stupid or being stupid. She probably already knows it is not good for her and is not the answer to her problems. she needs help to figure out a healthier way to deal with her emotions. If you really want to try and be there for her(which I know can be trying) I would tell her you care about her and know she is having problems and you hope she will get help. Just her knowing you care about her might help her a little because people like her usually feel sad and alone and embarassed that they do these immature things. Cause normal people who don't cut or who have never had bad depression can't understand at all what they are going through. They think they just do it for attention but the person is dealing with so many feelings and just wants it to go away." - Trinstar's answer to why do people cut themselves

Alyssa


I looked at your face I saw that all the love had died
I saw that we had forgotten to take the time
I, I saw that you couldn't care less about what you do
Couldn't care less about the lies
You couldn't find the time to cry

We forgot about love
We forgot about faith
We forgot about trust
We forgot about us

Now our love's floating out the window
Our love's floating out the back door
Our love's floating up in the sky in heaven
Where it began back in God's hands

You said that you had said all that you had to say
You said baby it's the end of the day
And we gave a lot but it wasn't enough
We got so tired that we just gave up

We didn't respect it
We went and neglected it
We didn't deserve it
But I never expected this

Our love floated out the window
Our love floated out the back door
Our love floated up in the sky to heaven
It's part of a plan
It's back in God's hands
Back in God's hands

It didn't last
It's a thing of the past
Oh we didn't understand
Just what we had
Oh I want it back
Just what we had
Oh I want it back
Oh just what we had

Alyssa


every song reminds me of you.
my heart is flooded with emotions.
my mind is flooded with thoughts.

im breaking apart again n again.
each day i wage the same war.
and feel the same outcome.
each day i try to be strong again.
and i fail yet again.

im living on repeat.

Alyssa


At 6am, i was contemplating whether or not to go to work..
and it was leaning towards going coz i know LAST practicals will be hell..
and i have to help Jomer.. on top of that.. i need to remove my specimens from the embedding plate...

but i guess my body kinda made the final decision for me..
woke up at 9.14am.. and immediately called Jomer..

feel so tired..
could be because i kept waking up at night (blocked nose issues).
aniwaes.. i went to see the doctor ytd and he gaf me 2 days MC..
apparently i didnt know i was running a fever.. just felt super cold..

yesterday was a bad day..
i missed the bus 15.
i had a lecturing from my supervisor.
i lost sumone precious.
i realised i nv changed.
i was am sick.
i felt cold and my nose, throat and eyes hurt.
i almost got hit by a taxi.
i almost tripped over my own doorstep.

blahs. typical day i guess..

imma go back to sleep now.
woke up just to email supervisors.

Alyssa


I dream a lot, I know you say
You've got to get away
The world is not yours for the taking
Is all you ever say

I know I'm not the best for you
But promise that you'll stay
'Cause if I watch you go, you'll see me wasting
You'll see me wasting away

'Cause today you walked out of my life
'Cause today your words felt like a knife
I'm not living this life

Goodbyes are meant for lonely people
Standing in the rain
And no matter where I go
It's always pouring all the same

These streets are filled with memories
Both perfect and in pain
And all I wanna do is love you
But I'm the only one to blame

'Cause today you walked out of my life
'Cause today your words felt like a knife
I'm not living this life

(But what do I know if you're leaving?)
All you did was stop the bleeding
But these scars will stay forever
These scars will stay forever

And these words they have no meaning
If we cannot find the feeling
That we held on to together
Try your hardest to remember

Stay with me or watch me bleed
I need you just to breathe

'Cause today you walked out of my life
(Stay with me or watch me bleed)
'Cause today your words felt like a knife
(I need you just to breathe)
I'm not living this life

Alyssa


she falls and falls
but there is nobody
broken promises
broken girl

bloodstains and tears
murder it wouldnt be
coz she's not living
i wish i could kill her.

Ghost


i just need you to be there for me..
to never leave me even as a friend..

but i guess that is too much to ask..

back away then.. if you really think its the best for both of us..

arghs nvm..
i have nothing to say anymore..

seriously nothing.
nothing now
nothing forever.
i dont even know how to make u happy.

Alyssa