Today is the 10th of January..
I'm due at his house for dinner later..

2009 has started off with a big bang of change..
of new beginnings..
too new..
too foreign..

that im finding it hard to even find my stance and be myself.. i feel like im constantly struggling to swim against the current.. or else i'll be swept away by it.. i feel like i have to push aside everything else that i care about.. just to concentrate fully on this one thing in order to keep up with it, which i dont even know if its really worth all this 'work' and effort.. and this seriously messes up my life balance... even though there are things i should be happy for, i realise that essentially inside, im pretty unhappy.. i hope its due to the changes and it will pass...

i hope i find my balance soon...
i hope i find what i really want soon...

but i need to thank God for one person who was there for me yesterday night.. i know that there are alot of things that must be worked out between us... actually im happy when u told me that my mum already regard you as her son-in-law... but i dunno what's wrong with me.. that i always speak the opposite when im tired... thanks for being my comfort through these tough times.. and i know that u will be my strength and constantly push me on.. for that is the only reason besides feelings that we are still together today...

i love you..
we are coming near to spending half a year together already..
even if we did spend 5 apart..
but thanks for coming back..
and for making me stay..
i knew i could count on you...
i know i can count on you...

mayb you are my soulmate afterall...

Love
Alyssa