It's definitely always frustrating to swing from a high with positive expectations down into a low that leaves me feeling scared and lost, even when nothing significantly bad has happened.

Honestly, I think I'm too sensitive, insecure at times, no, make that most of the times. I really need to stop this over-thinking and over-worrying shit before it actually consumes me. I need to just focus and do the best I can, without trying to pre-empt every single step.

I really don't want to fall back into the 'depressing' state again, just not now (I'm not ready for the whole deja vu and I can't control my thoughts all over again). Or never. I wanna be a fire that blazes through everything in my path to get to where I want to be. I don't want to give up this fight.

I really need to stay strong. I'm sick of giving up the fight when I'm near the finishing line because I'm weak mentally.

I need to make good choices and stick to them, because I have a long long long long long way to go. But I will definitely reach there if I work hard.

Alyssa