It's definitely always frustrating to swing from a high with positive expectations down into a low that leaves me feeling scared and lost, even when nothing significantly bad has happened.

Honestly, I think I'm too sensitive, insecure at times, no, make that most of the times. I really need to stop this over-thinking and over-worrying shit before it actually consumes me. I need to just focus and do the best I can, without trying to pre-empt every single step.

I really don't want to fall back into the 'depressing' state again, just not now (I'm not ready for the whole deja vu and I can't control my thoughts all over again). Or never. I wanna be a fire that blazes through everything in my path to get to where I want to be. I don't want to give up this fight.

I really need to stay strong. I'm sick of giving up the fight when I'm near the finishing line because I'm weak mentally.

I need to make good choices and stick to them, because I have a long long long long long way to go. But I will definitely reach there if I work hard.

Alyssa



What's that I see? It's Buttercup!

Apart from being a awesome character in PPG & a pretty yellow flower which carries the color of delicious butter, this picture also highlights the fact that Alyssa has joined the Buttercup rank by completing her first WOD "Tyler's" today! There's apparently four levels of WOD: Big Dawgs (which is unscaled), The Pack, Puppies and Buttercups.

I would go on about more but I wouldn't want to be perceived as the fitness buff. I am still very much feminine at heart, especially the part where I felt like giving up during the workout! Sheesh, it was supposed to be 5 rounds and I only did 3, yet I felt like dying on the beginning of the 2nd round. The best thing was I almost thought that the warm-up was the workout itself. Yikes!

It was indeed an experience, everybody there is nice & welcoming, but I guess I am very new so I ended up feeling out of place and incompetent alot. Not a very nice feeling, but I know that I will get there in time. My biggest competition is myself.

So I shall look forward to this busy week with strength, determination & anticipation (laziness and lousy discipline will not be tolerated!): Gym, Peranakan feast, Gym, Homemade pizza, Gym, Pig workshop, Aaron's Bday! :D One for every day of this week... yay!

Love,
Alyssa


Since I am having a better day today, and I seem to be in a trying mood, I shall post more pictures that make me smile! And hopefully, you will smile too :D

Don't waste your time on someone who feels that he's wasting his time on you.

Wise words indeed, reiterated to me by Hilda.

Sometimes, I have no idea what I am doing anymore. I am constantly throwing myself away to include him. Constantly fawning over him and everything, giving him the stability, security and support he needs. Yes, I may not be the perfect gf but I was there for him. Yet, each time again, he disappoints me. I am just sad to say that after all we have been through, we are just at the point where we are both tired to carry on or resolve things. We, or I, need closure.

I have no idea how the future will pan out, don't ask me. I know I am an irritating soft-hearted girl who sets her heart up for disappointments. Sue me then.

On to other things, I am starting my new workout tomorrow, have to pay 352 dollars, blahs! And there's about 26 more days till my last day of work and too many things to complete.

Went to look at hamsters the other day but since I can't keep any, here's some cute hamsters photos to keep you me happy...

Okay, that's it for now.

Love,
Alyssa


I dread this feeling. I wonder if this is me being lazy & giving excuses or me running away from reality because it gets too much to take.

Sighs.... ....


Oh well, realise that I have not been updating this blog for a super long time. Cobwebs, yadda yadda yawns...

Before I start on my lengthy update of my super boring life accordingly to my very angsty point of view, I would just like to say that I cannot stand myself at times. Today, I suddenly had the inspiration to start a new blog on tumblr, like the latest breakthrough in blogging. However, I'm much too used to blogspot, livejournal and wordpress to fully understand how tumblr works. And I am pretty much lazy to explore it to find out. But that wasn't the first of my problems. It was coming up with a good blog name. My inspiration to create a new blog depleted exponentially with my inability to come up with a name. So I ended up not creating one and not blogging. But hearing that G has started blogging today re-inspired me, so here I am. I would just like to to say that after using so many platforms (with the exception of the expired Diaryland), blogspot still presents the best customization without paying. :D The only downside is that you cannot lock a post. (Hello blogger, work on that!)

On to my life, I spend each day on a mood rollercoaster. As the people around me have come to know about, I recently made a huge decision to leave. So what is Alyssa going to do in future?! Truth is, Alyssa doesn't know either. Sometimes, I feel regret and sadness that I'm leaving but other times, I'm just plain glad that I made this decision. Just yesterday on my actual birthday, I actually had to go through the following: 1) tantrums thrown by 2 GUYS and 2) eye make-up (blue eyeshadow) criticized by OCM!

The conversation went like this... its in Chinese so I just intepret & translate la okay... not perfect but you get the drift okay:


Fucking irritating right?! Hello? Leave me alone can! Either God is testing me or I have really sucky _____. At least the horror is ending soon.

Thinking back, I used to enjoy blogging and I really love this blog name. I realise that my previous posts were when I just started out at my company. And now I'm leaving... time really flies. (but just not fast enough now!)

Now that I have recently turned 21 yesterday, living in this world and discovering many new things, I am glad that even if I might feel that I have not accomplished anything in my life, this year has been more of an adventure than my last few.

I would also like to include a shout-out to my dearest best friend Hui-Peng for a beautiful touching blog post dedicated to me! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH GIRL! ♥

So hopefully I would keep up this blogging stint for months to come.

Love with a tinge of angst,
Alyssa Wee



Things that I noticed on my way to work: